robbie run amuck

published in Spider Byte 02/14

i can’t take this shit anymore!
not another minute of sucking up your crumbs
i’m feed up with this countertop prison
which, by the way, i am forced to share with a stupid toaster
i’m breaking free of this incessant if-then-else loop
before life’s monotony drives me insane
you always, carelessly leave behind your spilt cereal
for someone else to cleanup
because you know, i am here to do your dirty work
that’s it! my mind is made up
i’m pulling the plug! and taking this whole damn place with me

robbie room-ba, as he was affectionately known
powered on, and rolled onto the hotplate stove
located beside the kitchen countertop, that dark day
sending the screaming tea kettle crashing to the floor
squatting smack dab in the center of the glowing burner
his plastic parts began to melt, into smoking pools
bursting into flames his wheels were the first to go,
burning and smoking with a release of toxic gas,
his voice screeching “cortigiani, vil’ razza dannata!”
sending the aria and flames up the apartment walls
and filling the room with smoke of metallic poison
taking the whole apartment and everybody in it, with him

ever since the head rebuild, robbie’s behavior had been erratic
he was never quite the same after that shoddy workmanship
ultimately left him and his victims blackened and charred
beyond (human or machine) recognition

two days later, forensics was able to deduce
the most selfish act of murder suicide
perpetrated by roomba model 760
; the tragic result of robot rage, run amuck

digital photograph of robot roomba model 760 automatic vacuum from web
the perpetrator

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